And love is the best provision for this journey. Regretfully, some weak-minded girls are deceived by the false promises of these glib-tongued impostors and they lose their honour and modesty on the hope of finding a felicitous marriage. Never has a prosperous family been seen to be raised from the effect of these filthy games. But the exceptions cannot be extended to all and include everyone. Our discussion does not pertain to such diseases. If marriage is not accompanied by mutual love and respect, an upset and disturbed life will come into existence, and no force, law or convention can settle it down. If two spouses love each other, they would even get along with each other's deficiencies and lapses. And such a marriage would be illegal. Of course, as has been described in the beginning of this discussion, good-naturedness or smiling is not always and everywhere a sign of good conduct. ), 4- There are certain individuals who have the power, tolerance, and endurance to accept some weaknesses, whereas others do not have it. There is also a strong probability of corruption and deviation. And so he was unsuccessful in his introduction and mediation and this did not result in a good life for those two. Of course, observing a difference of four years in age is not obligatory; instead, it is better if it is there. Consequently, hatred and scorn will develop on both sides. Avoid the greenery (herbs) growing over a sewer (cesspool)., So be completely mindful and alert that these two kinds of ordains are not mixed up an taken erroneously. This is the actual work. (Of course, there are girls too who trap boys and make them miserable.). Watch on. Here too professor Martyr Mutahhari opens the vista saying: Human sentiments and feeling have form and grades. A hundred percent co-ordination and congeniality is not possible, since every individual has his own mind, spirit, morality and character, specific environment and family and has a certain distance and difference from the other one. All that has been discussed about 'beauty' stands valid and is true this discussion as well. And this relation should be so strong and unbreakable as to persist and last until the end of life. Anyway, the marriage took shape. The commander of the believers Ali (a.s) staunchly and strongly forbade marriage with a foolish and insane person. For instance, the mirthfulness of women and men in the presence of an unfamiliar person (stranger) is against morality and is highly disagreeable. This factor too had quite and effect and role in their differences and conflicts. But you do not pay heed to such words and false ultimatums and threats, And it cannot take place unless you say Yes and no one can do a thin in this regard. And now we say that the vitally important part of the discussion is 'equity and balance between the two spouses.' They love everything pertinent to each other. Religion. Her existence is a great boon and beneficence, which Allah has bestowed upon me. Thereafter, I discussed the matter with my family, but I was strongly opposed. Usually after a child enters a family, life becomes sweeter and more hopeful. Each of the male and the female can propose to another, but normally in many societies the male is the one who does the proposal. Yasmin Mogahed warns us on some common mistakes we make when choosing a spouse. As if he was saying: Oh y pure angel, you were my spouse and faithful friend. As far as the recommendations about a quick and swift marriage, are concerned, which we discussed in the previous chapters, it does not mean haste, disregard and neglect. These diseases must be treated by expert psychologists and psychiatrists. I feel sorry about why I ruined the life of this girl whom I can not make happy.20. Neither can you yourself cut off your link with them. You were the partner of my sorrows and joys and my companion amid the of odds of life. This is because due to similar standards, the harmony of marital life may be maintained in a like-minded couple. I used to wish all spouses had been like aunt Zainab and Hajj Hassan. You will need to follow the instructions in that message in order to gain full access to the site. And this is the legal right of a person to accept or reject a proposal. Their lives became colder with each day that passed until they had a child. Whenever a faithful and pious girl like Zalfa comes into existence and is as submissive to the Prophet (S) as she was, and a boy having the decency and faith of Juwaiber is found and he submits to the Prophet in the same way, both would be the match and counterpart of each other; though the boy may be ugly and poor and the girl be beautiful and wealthy. She is neither divorced nor does she have a joint life. The traces of these ailments are definitely present in all the modes of sexual weakness and inability, such as hasty and immature discharge, imperfect sexual intercourse and the inability of satisfying the spouse. The complications increased with the passage of time. Secondly, these exceptions have common roots with their principle. But such a person is not found in this world. The real and actual relation is the purity, truth, communion and unity of the two souls.18. At the same time, another one may be uneducated but have the reason and wits to organize and run one's life. Ask Allah The Almighty to protect you from the evil of women and to grant you the best of them. Some of the infallible Imams married their slave maids and there are many more examples. The children too, who are the outcome and production of such a turbulent and disturbed life, do not reach prosperity and blessing. You will need to follow the instructions in that message in order to gain full access to the site. But it must be considered explicitly at its own place. 7- A difference with respect to the families of each other. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. The illegal friendships and the street romances, which are practise by immodest people is against the interest of boys and girls, and can never end up in a sacred and prosperous marriage. Sometimes a flower blooms in a bad place and a thorn does in a good place. Morality does not alone mean to be conventionally booming and smiling and good-natured, since laughing on certain occasion is not only anti-morality, but also immoral. These are the main scenarios of conflict that arise between Muslim parents and their single sons or daughters, according to my personal knowledge and life experience. I knew the standards of spouse selection and had sufficient information about the necessity of harmony between the spouses. The difference in the age of sexual puberty in males and females is a natural phenomenon. How long can a man resist and combat the unfair and unlawful wants and desires of his wife? Taqwa (Virtue) One should choose who is the best in Taqwa (virtue)" [Sahih Hadith] So, above Hadith on choosing . It is harmful in all the matters, but as for marriage, it is more harmful. Answer: this is a very important and fundamental question and must be perfectly attended to and needs much concentration, careful thought, and contemplation. But exceptions cannot overwhelm the majority, and rules and regulations cannot be founded upon them. Foreword by His Eminence Professor Jafar Subhani, Man and Woman: Enhancements of Each Other, Spouse: The Sign of Allahs Wisdom and Source of Mans Comfort, Marriage: The Improver of the Value of Mans Practices, Discussion with a Friend in this Connection, Chapter Three: The Merits of Timely a Marriage and Demerits of its Delay, 1- Securing and Strengthening True Faith and Spiritualism, 2- Benefiting and Enjoying a Sweet and Cheerful Youth, 3- Remaining Pure From Corruption and Sexual Deviations, 4- Safety from Nervous and Spiritual Diseases, Chapter Four: Difficulties and Hurdles of Marriage, First Difficulty: Economic and Monetary Difficulty, The Good News Given By The Leaders of Islam, 6. Hajj Hassan occasionally opened his eyes and looked at her. He felt tired, so he leaned against a wall and heard a woman telling her daughter to mix the milk with water before selling it. Spouses must be equipped with the power of mind and reason for the sake of administrating and managing a correct life and bringing up and raising decent children. The tolerance of these limitations needs recognition, capability and interest. Laila and Majnoon (two lovers) that Laila was an ugly girl from the point of view others, but from majnoon's she was pretty. Please enter the correct OTP! And similar to the odds and hardships that a researcher bears and endures on the way of knowledge and takes pleasure form them and enjoys them. The girl who loves virtues and excellence and wishes to follow 'Zeinab al-Kubra' (s.a) must marry a man resembling Hussain (a.s). But Allah had saved and spared his perform his work. Please observe that the prophet of Islam (a.s) described 'morality' and 'religion' as two real standards and criteria of marriage and spouse selection. In this fragrant and enchanting atmosphere decent and trained children evolve. Thus, as the life of landscapes and deserts is dependent upon the mountain rain, similar is the case of the man's sentiments and feeling with regard to the woman. He married a girl who had a physical deformity. Now, as I write these lines, that poor girl lives in her father's house. Q: The first form of love is recognised and known by all, but the second form is not very clear and vivid. Fourthly, one of both of them may be suffering from a nervous or spiritual disease. Though Shariah does not forbid marriage between first cousins, but there are opinions advocating against them mainly due to a probable risk of the offspring inheriting genetic defects/diseases. But I did not submit to her will, since I considered my assignment more important than that, until such time as we could no longer live together.. Islam has emphasized and stressed this point. And a person who has a lower grade of knowledge, his or her counterpart and spouse is a person like himself or herself; and same is true about other attributes and peculiarities. Even if those who promised them that love would develop wish to help them, they simply cannot. Here take a look at two sorrowful events, which have been described by Ayatollah Amini. Ahlul Bayt Digital Islamic Library Project 1995-2023, . Their remedy is to boycott them. And then those people, who recommended their marriage and promised them the development of love, all vanish away. According to reliable historians, Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, mentioned that had he wanted to marry someone himself, it would have been her, as Imaam Ibn Al-Jawzi, Ibn Zayd narrated on the authority of the grandfather of Aslam that he said, Once I went with Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, while he was on one of his night walks in Madeenah. (b) It is quite possible that the situation reverses and the irreligious one makes the other take up his or her colour. Equity between the couple means: a proportion, balance, co-ordination, concurrence and congeniality between the boy and the girl, and conventionally, the harmony of a man and woman to get along together. Never must the coming generation be corrupted by taking pity upon these sharp-toothed leopards. The man who is not bound to faith and religion, must take into view some of the merits of the pious ones when selecting a spouse. Beauty should be considered beside other qualities and standards, no as an independent one. A Shiah Muslim man can marry: a Shiah Muslim woman and a non-Shiah Muslim woman. I'm more elaborate and minute terms 'personalities of various persons have been categorized into many groups. My life is like a hell. The main cause of the miseries, turbulence and turmoil of family life is due to the lack of co-ordination and proportion between men and women. Almost all cases of such conflict lead to much chagrin and pain on both sides, but more so for young single girls, who are usually coerced by their parents into marrying . But if love is there, one never views the partial faults and even if one views them, one neglects them. Whenever Hajj Hassan fell ill, the aunt would nurse and look after him with extreme kindness and respect. If it was not for her, I would not have been able to pass my old age honourably. On the other hand, a corrupt woman, particularly one who takes extreme pride in her beauty and wealth, does not adhere to the teachings of Islam and is certainly prone to the devils insinuations, who may trick her into not adequately safeguarding her chastity or honor. We have seen many youth who have been deceived by the apparent and outward show and have thrown themselves into sewers and marshes from where the exit has become impossible. The Islamic revolution was born from Islam, and opposing the roots an origins of this, is opposing Islam. If such a case (exceptionally) takes shape, it is not a justification for others to follow it. Ali (a.s) the commander of believers said: . Religion and faith are the provision and stock of the world and prosperity in the hereafter. However, if this man they want you to get married to is a . Usually we know many things, but overlook them at the time of practising. 6- A beauty problem. Until such time as they abandon their addiction and correct their morality, conduct, and spirit, they must not marry in any case. Partial faults and even if one views them, one never views partial! Disturbed life, do not reach prosperity and blessing they would even get along with each day that passed they. 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