My exwife left me for some guy she meet at a club and he choked her to death. I really dont know what to do. He said there was no one else and now he is back in his country parading around with someone else whom I have heard he plans to marry. You need to make sure that you keep tabs on whats going on, double check the information that they have about you, your income, your expenses, etc. Spousal Abandonment Syndrome is the opposite of the traditional divorce which typically comes after years of trying to . But hold on to life! Now I have to face this dentist, who is a family friend, at school events and even though she knows its not my fault I still feel like a deadbeat. I have always loved her and I feel like I always will. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html, I have been married for 6 1/2 years and now i want to leave my husband. But he didnt come back. For him to leave like that in the middle of the night tells me that he is very immature! I am beyond hurt. Then what, it is just so sad. She baits me along telling me she was weak and it was a mistake and it was my fault for leaving her a mess Wait, you kicked me out. They are in love apparently and plan on living together and getting married down the road. You have described your situation and it is exactly as I feel. Rachel, you are the exact same age as me and my husband is the same age as yours. 1. We started counseling and the counselor, who he choose, told him he was focused on the wrong things and needed to work on re-connecting with me. Try to relinquish anger and resentment to create space for understanding and growth. Amen sisters. Im not sure, I was available to him for conversation,I very rarely went out because I work multiple jobs simultaneously, take care of the kids and the house. The only thing that changed was he was now having to pay for his own health insurance. Your email address will not be published. This wasnt the fist time I had wanted to leave, but thankfully this time I felt more convinced that this relationship was not going anywhere. Thank u for replying. 10. },{ So we come home and a week later she leaves again and stays gone almost two weeks. ! A few weeks have now passed and Xmas has come and gone and no kids for me, nothing. Thanks, If she ever contacts you again say this, never talk to me again. This one has been definitely the hardest for me to deal with. Wow!!! But I know who I need to say goodbye to now; with certainty. Military will have his butt for Infidelity. Spousal Abandonment Syndrome is when one of the spouses leaves the marriage without any warning, andusuallywithout having shown any. 5. They come back. She always eyeballed a house that her male boss was selling. Except for Christs love, there is none here on earth. and when he does randomly text me that he misses me or whatever i get super excited thinking ok maybe he will finally come home. god help me to get through this. It caused me to have a heart attack, literally. Everything that was me was up in that condo in the almost 20 year relationship we fought hard to create. Thank you so much for this article. How about that? She never calls, answers and doesnt text back at all. I am so so Hurt.. What do i do,?? When we met it was love from the off. I knew my wife was no longer this person that I longed for. then he comes back home and is a great husband for another four months then next thing u know he leaves again . She tells me she could make it work with him, just to be back in her girls lives and back in her siblings lives in some way. Then we play/claim victim. Print them out. Hes always come home when we have arguments. I have not moved for 2 days I cant stop thinking is she better then me? Thank you for your comment and for visiting the GoodTherapy blog. She tells me that she hasnt cheated on me even tho I have my doubts. I dont get it for you either. I filed. Over those years the contempt, spite, and hate the false sense that everyone but her was living a great life constantly grasping at some new external source of happiness but never satisfied. Same situation, married 18 years, 2 girls.not sure if she had somebody else, but I have a feeling,,,wont talk to me at all. Didnt call, nor would he discuss our situation in email. She later asked me to move out the house to give her space as she could move in and she kept saying I was impossible to live with (yet managed for 5 years previously). I have been with my partner for 5 years we live together, our relationship was very fiery at the start there was quite a few break ups over various reasons, in the last 2years we havent split up once or even had a big enough argument to consider doing that, we have had petty little arguments but thats about all. Its been five weeks and he put our house up for sale. Your attorney should be with you when you sign it, to go over it with you. Finally got himself an apt Oct 2019 when I wouldnt let him come home (verbally abusive, and had proposed to another woman by Jan 2018, but she dumped him). I dont think I will ever be able to understand it and it scares the HELL out of me when once in a while I think I get inside of his mind what he thought process was to abuse me. In the same boat. I font think Ive ever felt pain like it. I know it may seem a bit weird but I stumbled upon this site just the same way. Beg me to take you back and act like youre sorry for all that hurt, all that damage and that you would never ever again and know that will probably take another 20 years to truly believe you. Encouraging someone to move on because they have lost the spark seems simplistic and almost dangerous. And moved in with one of our daughters (the mother of our grand babies) he stayed six weeks before her husband couldnt take it any more. I must also add that I am an incredibly honest person and I have never been afraid to tell people exactly what I think I sometimes look at the cards in love notes you left me and feel horrible, guilty, abandoned, so devastated and angry all at the same time. Its going to cost me a fortune, but I have no choice. He sure didnt think that when we got married now did he. You can do it! He also had a cop come stand by when he got his stuff from the house . You will be ok and your children/Love makes the world go around. All of a sudden we move and after 32 years of marriage, recently he left with a girl who is my youngest daughters age her late 20s. Sometimes all it takes is to know someone believes in you to find the strength. My girlfriend of almost 9 years didnt just have an affair she had and is still in a relationship with a married supervisor from her work instead of telling me that she found someone new or telling his wife and ruining his marriage he convinced her to call the police on me have me arrested for breaking and entering the house through an unlocked backdoor.i didnt find out about this relationship until after I was released from city cells with the conditions of my release being no contact at all with her and I cant go 200 meters near the house I had two visits with my three kids where on the second visit the children told me this man was coming to the house and was there after they went to bed the next day after that visit low and behold I was arrested for child assault(a complete lie of course)and now I cant see or talk to my kids either my lawyer says trial will be into the New Year for sure if I plead not guilty.so when you think you got it bad just remember my life. I still love him but at the same time I have to learn to stand by myself. I always try to communicate with her pushing to know whats going on but she will pick offence and let in argument. Keep the voicemail. How to cope: Try not to take too much of a righteous or moral stance. So much so that mutual friends who would come to visit, theyd ask me not to tell my wife they were in town. You are trying so hard and are not getting the appreciation you deserve. much love, Gina. Our younger teen lives with me in the family home and the two of us are hoping the court will allow us to move closer to family out of state. I read somewhere that narcsassists will never loose any sleep over our pain . My wife was on chat rooms after 24 years and told me she is very unhappy Then hired a divorce attorney quickly. I am going to visit my parents and I will be back. Dear Kelly, If you think consulting with a mental health professional might help you, please use our directory to find a good fit. Thanks again! Do not try to get her back at this time at least. (The intensive way and extreme degree to which I process information is probably associated with this). First of all i feel sorry for you i know where your coming from.my wife left me after 16 yrs. Now I can begin to say, after roughly four months, that things are feeling better within me, but many things must be done with in our own for our own to fully heal. When I approached her she didnt deny it. You will get through it. Unfortunately for people like us, the answers we seek will never come. I found out she already had a rental before she even told me. We had a wonderful wedding I realize this only after they no longer appear. One thing we never were was abusive to each other but this morning in particular she punched me in the face out of anger. I have stood with her thru the good and bad times and now that I am out of the house she treats me like Im a stranger. ", I came home from work and he was downstairs crying and moaning. the other part of me knows that he will never accept the blame or even address it so I am not kidding myself. No marriage is perfect.you take the good with bad.and we had alot of good. Trying to figure out why your partner left you can become the bane of your existence. I have been married for 4 years. I read It goes back to their childhood when they were never held accountable for their actions and would lie and cover up rather than be chastised by their parents one of which was probably narcissistic too . Believe me she will wonder whats going on with you! The taint of desperation lingers at my heals and I fight to be encouraging to two son who have lied to and thrown away as I have like trash. I noticed subtle differences in her towards me, emotionally. She has of course admitted adultery yet refuses to accept this in the papers and has filled against me. We went through mediation swiftly and amicably. I have faith in you and hopefully me reaching out will help show while there is real evil, there is real good in the world. Thanks for your input. I looked everywhere and i sat outside of the area for a long time. Confront the issue at hand (Step #1), and tell your ego to shut up. I married my husband less then one year ago. As a couple, its a very TOXIC relationship , the best one can do is to GET OUT and have NO CONTACT. Im trying to take it one day at s time but the anxiety is tough I keep ruminating and worrying about the future.i just keep telling myself for now its hard but Ive got to keep it together for my kids, Hi Years. three months ago my husband called me to say he wanted my daughter and I to move out so he can move his girlfriend in. My case is not the only abuse of this restraining order trick. She said she could do what ever she had to with her husband to keep the family together. School supplies, sports expenses, driving lessons, car insurance, gas money, college entrance test, etc. If youre looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html. Are we supposed to stay through that too? "@type": "Answer", I was in shock for months. If you are in dire straits, you can contact organizations or community groups that help women in crisis and low-income people. I said no to moving out because a) I sole own the house and sole was paying the mortgage and B) I thought her behaviour was erratic and odd for the months leading up to her moving out plus I was getting fed up of rolling over to her whims. And thats all I have for now. Any pointers or tips will be welcome. Or when it is convenient. Do not allow someone to ever make you feel less or wrong. Can you cover it? Let . She still has the full to snub her nose to cheaters on tv etc but I cant help feel like she took what we had and made it into the worst jerry Springer show imaginable and shes not even sorry she did it. I suspected something was going on with her why she broke and i taught she was seeing someone and maybe this guy from before.. He basically told me he was just doung the right thing when I asked why he married me (I got pregnant before we were married) and judging by his behavior I see that he was definately acting like he was unhappy and just married me to do the right thing. Just focus on those kids and how you can better yourself for them and you. Really sounds like he is the one that will be missing out, just find yourself again. After my heart attack I found out she was talking to an ex boyfriend, having an emotional affair. I am truly sorry to hear that this happened to you. This is one of the best articles Iv read on goodtherapy so far. There are few things in life that can be as hurtful as being abandoned by someone that you love. We did relate and I changed as much as I could to make it work I thought she had too. Write down questions that pop into your head in the middle of the night, send an email or leave a message. I am devastated we have 3 children and one doing his GCSEs I am a mess my daughter keeps questioning me and Im trying to hold it together but Im in so much pain and I cant imagine my life without him Either that or he will be here to stay. Here it is. But I hope from our experiences, you can find a bit of encouragementin whatever it may be that youre going through right now. He got away with these things for a year. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Your email address will not be published. Its a roller coaster ride. Take as long as you need, dont let anyone rush you. If you have to question them or yourself 9 times out of 10 there is a good reason for this. Living is not living unless you are truly living, being respected and happy. Why does your family believe him over you? You can train your brain to focus on the reality of a situation, instead of letting the emotions and feelings overrule. She should not know what your settlement is.she is waiting for it. He had his stuff, his money his problems. Try not to take this too personally, but be sure to address your own accountability as well. This is unfortunately a normal behavior for him, meaning hes done this to us before. But I did want to touch on an even deeper level that may last a lot longer than cookies and a sexy outfit. Shes moved along with out a blink and I have to start all over again. Im saying this to let you know that you are not the only one. ive been with this man for almost 30 years. Thank God we dont have any children involved! Thats not a man.. Then one night he did not come home until 5:30am. This one has been a tough one on me. I was devastated. For example, its typically easier to digest the idea that you and your partner grew apart than it is to consider the possibility that he or she fell out of love with you. I really like how you say to focus on the reality of a situation, instead of letting the emotions and feelings overrule. Only single guy in my group. ATLANTA - Mets slugger Pete Alonso left Wednesday night's game against the Braves in the first inning after getting hit on the left wrist by a pitch from Atlanta's Charlie Morton. I went into shock.. Although my son is older, he still has two years of high school left. Hello, I have a question about coping with my wife leaving me for someone else. After it finally sunk in that the man I thought Id married was obviously not and whats more he wasnt even trying to cover up or be nice any more. 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